I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Sponge bath it is.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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