he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
