I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
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