I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
