fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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