Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Operation Purity has been aborted
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
