Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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