we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize