Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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