Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
