Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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