i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
