currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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