I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
