I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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