I look better un-naked...
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
