So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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