A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
