soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We talked him into tasing himself.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
