I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
