and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
