i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
