I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
