Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
