also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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