So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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