He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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