watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
