Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
