How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
