cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
