just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
