I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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