..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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