What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
