he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
