youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
