i wish peter jackson would direct porn
It's just like the Real World with babies
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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