You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
