i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
