and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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