tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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