I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
