I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
