I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
