Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
