I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So squirting runs in the family.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Randomize
