im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
