here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
