idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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