Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
