Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
