omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
