next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
