Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
