it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
