I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
