I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
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