its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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