I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
