Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
