I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize