You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You're breaking my sexual little heart
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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