I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
