Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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