How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
