Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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