I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
