Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
