I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
