What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
