my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
