My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
