Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize