I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
