so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
