tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
