is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
