Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She announced her abortion via fbk
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
