how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
