it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
In America we eat man semen.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize