***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
