ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
