we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
