Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
