I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
