I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
