your parents love me but you hate me
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The beer is more important than you right now.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
