Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
