and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
