i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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