So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
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