He is an equal opportunity slut.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
