I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
