Where did you get a picture of my penis
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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