she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
