Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
